I had a Nightmare!

So I woke up this morning with what seemed to be the worst hang over . . . I don't recall why I ever started drinking last night but one thing is for sure . . . I had the worst nightmare. Imagine this:

I had a nightmare about McCain selecting his Vice President. It was a she . . . and before I go on, I almost crapped my pants because I thought it was that b!tch from my home state of Texas. She goes by the name Kay Bailey Hutchinson and she is as conservative as they come. I crossed my fingers and held my breath but it wasn't KB. WTF?

Who the hell is Sarah Palin? This is when my dream transcended into nightmare.  McCain had selected an inexperienced Governor from Alaska that had less than 2 years of experience. My stomach fell ill and my head started hurting. So I began drinking because as I became more inebriated it seemed that it was not reality.

Then I heard the right wing pundits spin her credentials  . . . and spin they did. For a second they had me sold. Palin has over 20 years experience as a domestic engineer while Obama has ZERO! I was like, "Yeah! You go Palin! . . . what the hell is a Domestic Engineer?" Then my girl friend explained to me that it was a fancy title for stay at home mom.

So I started taking shots of Whiskey because the Chianti was not cutting it. Then I heard a pundit claim that Palin was qualified to be VP because she was the head of Alaska's executive branch. Then an astute member of the opposition party noted that its the equivalent of running your high school student council. That's when everything went to hell!

I stopped drinking because I thought I was now having hallucinations . . . could it really be? For a second I thought I lost my head. Then I tried to fantasize to Sarah Jessica Parker and realized that my brain synapses were performing logically. It must be McCain . . . that crazy 72 year old lost his mind. I should have known it. Just a week ago this senile old man forgot how many homes he owns or what kind of car he drives.

Then I woke up today . . . and to my amazement my nightmare had turned into reality. I surmise that I must have consumed alcohol into oblivion after hearing what McCain did. I am not sure if I did it in celebration since he handed Obama the Oval office or was it that I was scared of the implications of Palin becoming a VP. One thing is for sure . . . the more I drank the more attractive McCain seemed as a Presidential candidate, now I know what it feels like to be a Republican.

 NOTE: This post is meant to fulfill the comic relief your life is missing. None of the events actually occured except for Palin being selected by McCain to be his running mate.